You can have it both ways

Let me start by saying that I have always wanted to have a career and family and knew that I could do both successfully (thanks mom).  When Stacey and I decided to have kids he knew that family would come first, but I would not be a stay at home mom.  He also knew that my career comes with crazy hours and thank the lord he was up for the challenge!

At three my daughters played meeting and were thrilled when I took them to work with me one day for a real meeting.  I was proud to be raising two little girls who wanted to be a success and saw me as a role model (OK maybe a little bit of a stretch, but I think I deserve it).  And then the tables turned. 

In May Stacey went to St. Louis for three days.  You would have thought it was the end of the world for the girls who cried every night that their snuggle buddy was not there to snuggle with them.  Ella would stare out the window down the gravel road just waiting for his truck to pull in the driveway.  Being good wife I called Stacey so he could enjoy the tears and sadness with me.  I was a little upset that here I was home with them and willing to do anything they wanted to make it a fun girls only few days and all they wanted was daddy (and sometime papa).  When I asked Grace if they cried when I was not home she look me in the eyes and said "not really mom."  Stacey added that they were used to me being gone.  My heart sunk.  Did my job mean that they needed daddy more then mommy?

Thankfully when I was away for five days in July I received a phone call with Ella barely able to talk and in tears because she missed her mommy and wanted me to come home and hold her.  It made me feel so good and I was even able to say to Stacey "well sucks to be you right now, but I am headed to have a beer with the gang.  See you in a few days." 

While I hate being away and really hate when I can not be there to snuggle and tuck the girls in at night, I know that I am teaching them an important lesson.  You don't have to choose between being a successful mom and having a successful career, you just need a good husband to support you in both! 

The Girls Start Preschool

After a year of talking, we decided we needed to find a preschool for the girls to attend.  After all they start school in just over a year and there is so much they need to learn to be ready (disclaimer that I work in education and so I have been trained to look at data that shows the difference between those kids who start school having attended preschool and those who did not).

I was silly to think that finding a preschool would one be easy and two not cost more then our house payment each month.  After months of searching we find a preschool that seemed just perfect.  Stacey and I took the girls for a visit and they were so excited.  They could not wait to go to school. 

This was not just a change for the girls to be going to school two days a week, it was a change for me having to be the one to take them and pick them up two days a week.  I know that I am spoiled that I walk out the door for work and come home when I am done and don't have to worry about the kids at all (thanks hunny).  We took the customary first day photos and were out the door.  The first two weeks went smooth and I was beginning to think I was over thinking that they might have a tough time adjusting.  Then week three began and the tears began to flow.  "I don't want to go to school."  "Why do you have to go to work all day?"  "Why can't you pick us up after lunch?"  The questions and phrases went on for days.  So Wednesday arrived and the girls and I packed up and headed out to school.  The ride there was quite which should have been my first clue that the day was about to go downhill.  We walked in and I asked what they wanted for breakfast and got told, "I'm not hungry."  Anyone who knows our family knows that is a sure sign that something is wrong.  The tear began to flow and Ms. June was doing her best to console Ella.  Then Grace started to cry and told me "I am crying because Ella is crying."  So I did what any good mom would do.  With tears in my eyes I gave them a hug and kiss and walked out the door to work.  A teary cry to Stacey and my mom made me feel a little better, but I will never forget the words "I will not do this everyday coming out of my mouth."

So a few weeks later and things have gotten better, but I have learned a few lessons from my four year olds.

1. It is not fun to play with boys especially when they play king of the mountain.
2. It is not fair that my boss makes me work all day when I should be able to leave after lunch.
3. It is hot out in the sun, but as a mom I don't know anything that helps that.
4. It is ok to cry when you miss your mom and dad.
5. I am not as strong as I thought I was, but I am learning.